2013 was a lot of things; beautiful, interesting, heartbreaking & bitter.
One of my best friends took his own life in november
after having struggled with mental illness for several years..
It shouldn't have felt like a total shock, as he had tried before.
But it did and I realised that you can never completely imagine the feeling of
loss and the abstract nature of understanding that someone you loved deeply
is forever gone, not just away for the day.
Death has always been present in my life; having grown up at a farm and having
relatives die arround me since a young age. But I've never reacted strongly to
someone dying, never been heartbroken about it, never even cried..
The rational part of me has always said that is was better this way.
They were in pain, it would be easier now. I've always come to the conclusion
that I simply wasn't able to feel those things, that I didn't care.
To handle this, I've always thought of grieving simply as an egocentric act. But it turns out, I was wrong.
To have someone close committing suicide devours your mind and
speaking lightly, 2013 ended in the worst possible way.
But with all worst scenarios
, you either succumb or you go forward,
and I know my friend wouldn't want me to wither away.
He would want me to be happy, to love him, and to never forget.
I guess it's also about me growing up, about understanding things..About understanding the finality of death, if it's possible.The new year has mostly been a bittersweet adventure in the midst of
emotions I haven't experienced before..
But I've at least had things to do, since autumn last year I've had my first real job
working as a fill-in teacher, it feels great to be able to help the local school!My biology interest and photography is starting to pay off.. Well, at least I feel confident in myself!
Since december, these things have happened:
My picture "the owl" was published in Caprice Magazine, Issue 21.
My pictures are being displayed at Natursidan.se, www.natursidan.se/fotografer/n…
An article about me was issued in a Swedish botany magazine.
I've now submitted prints to deviantART.
I've applied for a Scandinavian nature photography grant/scholarship.If everything works out, I'm going to New Zealand later this year! Some other places where you can find me:mesmerizedbynature.wix.com/nat…500px 500px.com/MesmerizedByNatureFlickr www.flickr.com/photos/11954732…
Remember, with endings comes new beginnings.
Hopefully we'll manage throughout 2014 and onwards.